I'm done!

I give up -- stress wins. It has now made me physically sick and I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. (sorry to whine again)

I didn't sleep much last night, and I finally woke up for good around 5:00 am. (Went to bed around 1:00 am) When I woke up my chest hurt really bad and I was having a hard time taking deep breaths. I stayed in bed until 7:30, but it didn't get better. It's still pretty bad.

The optimistic part of me says, "M, you need to look at it this way. With each passing day, you are ONE day closer to your daughter" ... hmmm, true, right? At least I'm not taking a step back. Oh my - could you imagine if that was the case. Heaven help me! But, the other side of me can only think about the negative things. This wait certainly gets the best of you, and it amazes me what stress can do to a person. I'm done. If "the call" doesn't come soon, I may just curl up into a ball and hibernate until it does.

Maybe it's because we started this process in August of 2003. Yes, 2003. Since the beginning of 2003, I have been dreaming about my daughter. We had to put the adoption on hold in late March of 2004. Not a day has gone by where we haven't talked about "her" and our adoption. We started the process again in November of 2006, so it's only been about 10 1/2 months or so, and almost 8 months since we have been officially on the list. I was doing really well until about August, and that's when I got antsy. The past month has been AWFUL. I want off this rollercoaster ride -- now!

The other stress ... our house. It's been on the market for 5 1/2 months. It will be one month on the 6th of October since we received an offer. However, the offer is contingent on the sale of their home. Nothing has happened there. [sigh]

However, we got a shimmer of hope on Friday. There was a couple that looked at our house as soon as it went up for sale. They loved it, and thought about making a contingent offer, but decided not to do so. (their home had just gone on the market as well) Well, they got a CASH OFFER on their house on Thursday of last week. Our realtor told us that they would "buy your house tomorrow" if they accept their offer. WOO HOO! Well, it's now Wednesday and we haven't heard much of anything, other than they are still negotiating. It was a pretty low ball offer, so I'm praying that they can work something out ... and that they still want to buy our house. With a cash offer, things will move fast, and that's what we need.

BIDS ... oh my, the bids coming back for our new house. Let's just say that we are in shock by how much things have gone up in three years. We have had the same contractors from our current home bid our new home. Wowzers. We completely understand that supply prices go up, but when someone is just providing their labor -- what gives? We got the bid back from the excavator today. It more than doubled. What? I don't get it. It is stressing both of us out.

I've said it a million times ... I cannot wait until we are settled and can move on from all of this. I want my "normal" life back.

It's 3:15 -- no call again today. I'd cry, but I don't think there are any tears left.