The details from "The Call"

(this is going to be long, so grab a snack - sit back and relax!)

Late Thursday evening, I emailed the Korean program coordinator at our agency. I wanted to know if they were open on Monday for Columbus Day, and said that I almost called her several times during the week. I told her that I was reaching my breaking point, and found myself crying and sick all week long.

She emailed me back Friday morning and felt so bad. She told me to call her anytime I felt like I was going crazy, and then told me that hopefully she would get good news today and maybe our phone would ring today.

Around 10:45 am on Friday, I decided to email her again to ask her if there was a time in the day that I could relax and know that the call wasn't coming. She emailed me back and told me that nothing came today. I was bummed, but it was nice to know that I had the afternoon to relax and not jump every time the phone rang.

I put L down for his nap, and then was dealing with N in the bathroom ;-) when the phone rang. This was around 2:30. My heart skipped a beat and I went to find the phone and saw that it said "Blocked Caller" on the caller id. I could breathe again, and then asked myself "why did you get so worked up, when you know the call isn't coming today?" ... duh, Melissa, RELAX!

A few minutes later, the phone rang again. Blocked Caller again. I got N down for his nap. The phone rang again. I went to our answering machine to see if this person was leaving us a message. Nope. So, I figured it was just a telemarketer that I didn't want to talk to, so I grabbed my laptop, my water and an M&M cookie and sat down to have my "it's Friday-and-my-call-didn't-come-this-week-pity-party" ...

My phone rang again at 2:48 - blocked caller again. This time I answered it, but said "Hello" in a very annoyed tone. The person said "is this Melissa?" ... I then said "Can I ask who is calling" ... and the person said their name. OMG - it was my SOCIAL WORKER!!! I felt like such an idiot, and explained this to him. He said that he was working from home, so that is why it came up that way.

At first I thought, "oh no, something is wrong, because I was told that nothing came today" - so I was a little nervous. He then asked if G was home ... I said "no" and that's when it hit me. OMG - this was "THE CALL" .... AAAAAHHHHHH!

Our social worker then said "It's a good day, I have your referral" ..................................

I think I said "Oh my gosh ... no way" about a million times. He had to keep reassuring me that he did indeed have our referral.

I seriously could not breathe. My heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest.

I told my social worker that I needed to grab a pen and paper. That's when I realized that I couldn't stand. I needed to get on the floor, because I felt like I could pass out at any moment. My social worker read me all of the info. I was trying so hard to listen and take everything in, but it was hard. I really thought I was having an out of body experience - LOL! That's what it felt like.

I asked him if she had a lot of hair, and he told me that she did. Awwwww - my dream. A little girl with a ton of hair to put bows in. :-)

He asked me if I wanted him to call G, but I knew that he was in mtg's and would be hard to get in touch with. Just how hard ... I had no idea .............................

By this point I was shaking so bad. I tried dialing G's number at work, but my fingers were shaking so bad. I finally got through, but got his voicemail. ACK - doesn't he know that he needs to be at his desk at this very moment? I then call the front desk and ask them to please page him, that I need to talk to him. A few minutes pass, and I'm put back through to his voicemail.

In the meantime, I keep hitting refresh on my computer waiting for the referral and pictures to come through. That's when they appear. I take a deep breath, and open the email. It's a PDF file, so I click on that - it takes a few moments - and they appear ...........

I literally fell to my knees and could not stop crying. I had one hand over my mouth and the other was grabbing the top of the counter. I could not believe how beautiful she was. I could not believe that this was my daughter ... MY DAUGHTER. I was overwhelmed, and tried to get myself together to call G again.

I called his number again -- got his voicemail. Called the front desk. They paged him again, and then told me that they could put me through to his voicemail. NO! I said. I told them that I really needed to talk to him. (all this while I'm staring at her picture, and trying not to start bawling - and biting my tongue so I don't shout out WE HAVE A DAUGHTER AND HE NEEDS TO CALL HOME NOW!!!) They (the ladies at the front desk) sit and chat back and forth, wondering where he could be. That's when they came back and said "well, I don't know what else we can do" ........... I then said "This is his wife. It is an emergency. I need him to call home NOW!" It lit a fire under their butt, and they sent someone to go and find him.

I was going insane and needed to tell someone, so I called my Mom. I think I got a few words out that she could understand - LOL! I was crying so hard! The phone rang, and it was G, so I hung up with my Mom.

G was all concerned thinking something was seriously wrong, because he knew that we wouldn't be getting our call today. I said "We have a little girl" ....... and lost it. Completely lost it. He was shocked and said that he would be home in a few minutes.

When he got home, I was standing on the steps with her picture. He could not stop smiling. We sat and talked and stared at her picture for about an hour. That's when we got N up from his nap, and told him. He couldn't wait to see her, so I grabbed my camera so that I could capture his reaction. You should have seen the smile on his face. He was very excited! He walked around with her picture until his brother got up ...

I did the same thing with L. I took pictures of him looking at her for the first time. He kissed her non-stop all night. (and is still showering her with kisses every time he looks at her picture!) The boys are thrilled, and N keeps talking about everything he is going to teach her. He sleeps with her picture, and has to have his picture while he's eating his meals. He is one very proud big brother!

He doesn't understand the time aspect of things, which is hard. When G left to go back to work on Friday, N asked him if he was going to go get baby sister and bring her home. We had to tell him no, and it broke his heart. He cried the most pitiful cry, and told us that he wanted her to come home. I sat down and we cried together.

What an emotional ride. I think I cried almost non-stop Friday night. I could not believe that we had a little girl. I still have to pinch myself to make sure that this all isn't just a dream.

We are one very happy, and incredibly blessed family. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the comments and emails when I was having such a rough time. It is truly amazing how the pain of the wait instantly disappears as soon as you see your child's face for the first time. Our daughter was more than worth the wait - she is perfect and I cannot wait to hold her in my arms.