Emotional

I was reading through my blog posts from this time last year. We had been in the #1 spot for some time, and I was just DONE with the wait. I was physically sick and could not take the wait any longer. It's amazing how much my life has changed in one short year! I am so thankful that I blogged about my feelings, because I would not have remembered feeling the pain that I had felt, had I not documented it. Kind of like labor -- after your baby is born, you forget about the hell that is labor.

Anyway ...

I cannot stop thinking about M's birthmom and family that are back in Korea. I'm sure it has to do with the fact that her referral anniversary is drawing near, and the fact that she is taking her first steps. I so badly want to pick up the phone and call her birthmom (and foster mom) to tell them about M's new milestone. I want them to be a part of this. I almost feel a sense of guilt that I am the one that gets to see all of these firsts. Yes, I am her Mom, but there is another very incredible woman out there that gave her life, and gave this amazing gift to me. I feel like I owe her so much, and knowing that I may never meet this person to tell her thank you ... well, it tears me up inside. I cry - I feel sick ... there are SO many emotions. Adoption is the most wonderful thing in the world, but it is also one of the hardest things in the world.

I already have a very strong desire to go back to Korea with M. I want to go visit her foster family. We only spent a short time with her foster mother, but I miss her. I feel like she is a part of our family. I wish we had contact with her. I want to go back to back to our agency in Korea and volunteer. I want to do so much for these children -- I need to win the lottery so I can make my dreams a reality!

I pray each and every day for M's birthfamily -- and I pray that someday her birthmom will want to initiate contact with us. I honestly don't see this ever happening, which makes me so sad.

On another note - I was reading through M's referral, and read something that made me laugh. I must have totally read over this little sentence last October. It read ...

• "Drools a lot"

LOL! G and I have said a million times that we have never in our lives seen a child that drools as much as M. She is a faucet, and soaks through shirts and multiple bibs every single day. It's bad!

I think I'm going to go get the kids up, and get them outside. It's 67 gorgeous degrees! (must take advantage of this weather before it turns on us ... so not looking forward to winter this year)