We have made progress!

M is doing wonderful. She is acting like a completely different child. She has allowed us into her heart, and I cannot tell you how happy this makes me. Her walls have come down. It took 1 1/2 years to get here, and I'm sure there will be many more hills to climb, but for now - we are in a good place.

She runs around the house with a smile on her face. She giggles. She communicates - she's not saying sentences by any means, but she has made huge progress. She runs up to us and gives us hugs and kisses and says "wub ooo" ... she asks to be held (which she has NEVER done). She'll look up at me and say "Up" and once I lift her up, she smiles, says "Mama" and then kisses me. Melts my heart every time! She about jumps out of her skin whenever G comes home for lunch. She runs to the door, opens it and screams "DADDY!!!!!!!!" You should see the smile on G's face. We have worked so hard for this day!

Her eating habits have really changed too. Food was her thing. She would scream and yell if the food was not on her tray as soon as she sat down. She would inhale her food faster than I have ever seen anyone eat before. 99% of the time she didn't chew her food. She would shove it in her mouth and swallow it. I don't know how she didn't choke. Just a week or two ago, we were eating roast beef sandwiches. She took a bite, and then grabbed some water. As soon as she started drinking her water, she started gagging. I ran over to her, and she coughed up some food. It was an entire slice of roast beef that she swallowed. Instead of biting it, she shoved it in and attempted to swallow it whole. ... when I explained to her that she needs to bite her food and chew it, she got mad - threw things - and spit at me. However, that is a thing of the past. Now she eats slow - chews her food - and is actually the last one done!

M never grieved really hard when she came home. Instead she became very reserved and quiet, and basically shut herself down. Sure, we had some good days when I thought things were going well, but then all hell would break loose. She had a really hard time around Christmas, and never really bounced back.

To say we have been stressed and worn out would be an understatement. It has been SO hard. BUT - we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I cannot even put into words how much I love my sweet, funny, adorable little girl. She is such a blessing, and it brings tears to my eyes to know that she finally feels safe, secure and knows that I am her Mommy ... and I'm not going anywhere!

I know we've probably upset many people by keeping to ourselves, and making M's world small. I know many people don't understand - and while I don't expect people to fully understand - I just ask that people respect our decisions, and know that we are doing this for our daughter. She is fragile. Her little heart has been breaking, and I could tell that she was waiting for the next shoe to drop. Just imagine for a moment that you are taken away at a moments notice - never to see the people that you love again. Imagine going to another country where the people don't look like you - the sounds are different - the smells are different etc... Imagine how scared you would be. It would take you a long time to ever trust anyone again. How do you know that it isn't going to happen again? You don't. You're always on edge. Sure, the people that took you can show you that they love you -- but so did the people that you knew before. How long would it take you to trust people again? In M's case - it has taken her a long time. I don't blame her. My heart breaks for her. I wish I could take her pain away. It's not fair that she has had to go through so much pain in her short little life. But, we are here to help her heal her heart - and to protect her ... and that's what we are doing.

Another breakthrough ... we went out shopping as a family. Something we haven't been able to do for many, many months - as being out and seeing a bunch of people would send M over the edge. While we were in the store, a lady smiled and waved at M - and M smiled and waved back, and then looked at G and said "Daddy!" In the past she would have pinched her lips shut and her little body would have gotten stiff. She was so insecure. It was like the lightbulb went off in her head and she said "Oh, my Mommy and Daddy are right here with me -- I can smile at that lady, because she's not going to take me" ...

OK, I better go ... the boys are being wild and crazy!